sleepvevo:

what was the reasoning behind this

sleepvevo:

what was the reasoning behind this

unclefather:

i never understood the “did your mom buy that for you” joke because we’re in middle school. of course my mom bought this jacket for me. where else would i have gotten it. i’m not made of money. 

batreaux:

You bump into a man on the subway wearing a trenchcoat. You apologize and he responds “Its alright. We’re only human. All of us. All of us here are human. Yep. Very human. I’m probably the most human here! You betcha.” and then the trenchcoat falls and the figure collapses and roughly 1000 salamanders scatter around the train 

grumpysalmon:

grumpysalmon:

Happy to report that my surgery was a success and I now have no limbs :)

image

*flicks through my notes of what’s popular to say online at the moment*

with metaphors

cumsock:

bigfalcon1:

cumsock:

i like my coffee like i like my men, thick and hairy

Why does your coffeé have hair in it?

too many questions

andrewpauldost:

what if u had an identical twin that did porn and u like went to the grocery and theyre like “omg i saw u take 3 dicks at once while wearing a turtle costume” and ur like “god dammit gary”

precumming:

adorkoftheworld:

precumming:

wow the date today is the same if you read it backwards 4/16/14.. this wont happen again for another 5,000 years..

this happens again tomorrow

nobody asked you

superwholocked-in-albion:

jeankd:

thegoddamazon:

The most important line in the whole damn song. MESSAGE.

The only historically accurate line in the whole film. 

excuse u

superwholocked-in-albion:

jeankd:

thegoddamazon:

The most important line in the whole damn song. MESSAGE.

The only historically accurate line in the whole film. 

excuse u